The need for validation is a critical step in the healing process from narcissistic emotional abuse. This is a step/trap that many get stuck into because it is difficult to believe what you have been through and what is happening. Although it is a very important step it is also one that a person does not want to be trapped in for too long. When you are stuck in the “validation” phase you are unable to move forward.
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Table of Contents
The need for validation
00:35 – A critical step in your healing process is the need for validation. Typically in these type of relationships you do not get closure and you need validation to prove to yourself that your experience was real.
Talking to ANYONE who will listen
02:40 – One of the typically steps that a person will take to achieve validation is talking to anyone and everyone that will listen. This will typically start with family and friends but can quickly grow to co-workers, associates, and random people that you run into. Effectively you are talking to anyone who you can tell your story to and get a response to validate that the experience is bad.
Just can’t believe it’s real
04:40 – A huge factor in this need for validation is that you just can’t not believe your experience is real or you think your reaction to it might be wrong. So you tell your story in a hope to get a response that validates your experience. This can also be that you are trying to get people to tell you that you are “blowing things out of proportion” and invalidating your experience.
Stuck in an infinite “do-loop”
07:14 – When you are in this validation mode it can manifest itself as a computer infinite “do-loop” where you keep going in circles. It is as if the command is talk to everyone UNTIL you get believe your validation. In this mode you keep going on and on because you just can not believe it.
You have to find your safe haven
09:48 – It is really important to find a safe place to share your experience with people. If you can find really good friends that is wonderful. However you are much better served if you can find a community that truly understands what you are going through.
There will come a time when you STOP
14:02 – There will come a time in your healing when you will stop yourself from talking about this. When you catch yourself and can make that decision to “not go there” you will know that you are truly starting to heal from this.
Wrap up
17:05 – Wrap up the validation topic
